Friends
I love each and every one of my friends. They are each unique and make me laugh. They're the reason
I get up for school in the morning. But why do some of them insist on making it hard for me?
Sometimes I feel more like a shrink than a friend. Which is ok, cause a firend in need... You know?
It's like they want their problems to be my problems and i am blamed if something goes wrong in their life.
Sometimes I wonder why they think they know me when truth be told... They really don't...
EX: Friend: You don't give a damn about me!
Kelly: I didn't nor will I ever say that.
Friend: But that's what you're thinking inside! I know you Kelly and
I know you don't care about me!
Kelly: My apologies, how could i have not realized this is coming
from an obvious expert on what i think.
It's things like that you know? I dont know why they pounce on me like that and sometimes they think
I'm thinking one thing and they think they know what's going inside my head. If I wanted you to fuck off I'd march up to you
slap you across the face and tell you to fuck off. And some just want to think that they're always right.
EX: Friend: I don't give a fuck about you anymore. I don't even want to be your friend if you keep
getting mad at me when I try to help you.
**This was still after I repeated myself over 14 dozen times that I wasn't angry anymore, but they
insisted that i still was. (If you think you know how i feel all the time you should go to one of those phsycic hotlines,
they're now hiring)**
Kelly: Say what you want, I still care about you whether you like it or
not. I told you I'm not mad anymore and that I am thankful you were trying to help. You didn't tell me you were trying to
help me, when U did i wasnt angry anymore.
See, I try to keep treating them like human beings. Never will you hear me utter the words "I dont
care about you" Or something like it. I don't say things like that. Why do others? It's to try to make themselves feel better
in trying to justify how they treat other people around them.
And some of them even like to do things like this when they don't like what they hear from me.
EX: Friend: Kelly be honest, was i being a horrible boyfriend?
Kelly: Nobody can handle my honesty, but I think you could've done
better.
Friend: Tell me, i won't get mad.
Kelly: *Sigh* You were selfish, obnoxioius, controlling, self centered,
and you nearly blew a friendship because of what a stranger told you.
Friend: Wow Kelly I didn't know you hated me so much! *Starts
to walk away*
Kelly: *Looks down at her book and sighs* I never said that.
Friend: *Turns around* Well here's my total honesty! I think
deep down you really just hate everything!!
-_-;; Yeah I know... Stupid but after years and years of this I think I've gotten used to it... o.O
...
But I'm not always treated poorly! A lot of my friends are always happy and feed off my positive
attitude as well. They have things in common with me and many differences, when there's an argument we dont get mad at all.
Those who don't get mad at me i consider my real friends. Because I have done nothing wrong to any of them. If I have
please tell me and I will correct myself! :)
Enemies
Whew! I have a couple of these at school! I'm not talkin about your average "I hate her!" or "She
called me a bitch!" Little quarrels. These people hate everything about me to the last dust particle under my fingernail.
I know... Hate is such a strong word but I find that 'dislike me with a passion unknown to mankind' is just a tad bit of an
understatement.
They are constantly on my case, trying to put me down, beat me up, humiliate me, or make my life
a living hell... It doesn't work and I guess that ticks them off even more ^^;
Why do they hate me so much? Well, what ticks them off, gets under their skin, what they truly hate...
Is me... I am often told I have a unique charm and optimistic attitude that people like to be around. But these people hate
me for it. On rare cases their hate is for being a victim of one of my pranks. Which i apologize for, but if what i've done
to you is just being me... Then i will not apologize... Well I gotta live with what i get right? ^.^;
Love
*Gag* Oh gawd bleh!!!! Eeeeww!!!!! COOOOOTIEZ!! GET THEM OFF ME!! Yeah, if you didn't catch my drift
there... -_-;; I think I don't like love a whole lot. Just not good experiences and I cringe when the three words are spoken
to me. I swear it's bad news waiting to happen! Though it makes me happy to see how others get passed the curse just fine.
I heard it's a good feeling to carry with you everyday. Though you can't ask me from experience kay? I'm into mutual love
like a friendly "I WUVV YOU!" Ya know? Love to me is like direct eye contact. I'm afraid of it. :-/ Beggars can't be choosers
eh? Recently, my boyfriend was murdered... And... You know what? I give up, im done. I will gladly watch others have it,
and personally I dont care... Nobody likes me anyways not 'that way' and I never will, because that's just how it is... Say
what you want to me; give me your opinion, I'm all ears. But you're not chaning my mind
Death
Take a moment to think... What do you feel when you hear death? Out of experience I'm not so good
with death myself. A lot of my friends have died, plenty of them were suicide. The tears kept racing down my face and I would
wonder for hours or even days... Maybe even now, why did they die? I got fed up with crying, i wanted it to stop... And it
worked to some extent, but... Someone very close to my heart was taken away from me, and a lot of his friends. I don't know
how long I cried, and I didn't like it. The ones that commited suicide had often told me about life, how it sucked and that
all the world seemed to do was bring them down. I don't know how I didn't see their deaths coming... Some said that they cared
for me like a little sister, they also said life sucked and they wanted to end it and be happy. The thing is... Would you
want your little sister to cry over you for years and years to come, or pick it up and try to find the things worth living
for. I want to say I'm done crying... That I'm done mourning over the ones that I've lost... But I can't... It's an unknown
anger, my words aren't enough to make them see that there is a light at the end of this tunnel, but they refuse to look. Who
do you care about? And imagine how hurt they would be if you died... It's not the greatest thing to reflect on but I hope
it makes you all think. It's hard for me to write this because I think of my many friends whom claim they want to die and
I feel my heart break with each time they frown. I don't want to hurt anymore...
Dedicated to the ones I lost:
Lauren Devnee, car crash
Dylan Cortez, suicide
Felish Yates, disease
Manny Lemron, car crash
Noel Kurrin, suicide
Lynda Homren, murdered
And
Noah Damanaskino... You had a future, love, friends that loved you more than you could know...
I never got to say that I was sorry to you... I didn't get to say goodbye... You were taken from me as well as others before
we were ready to let you go. I hope you know, we never would be ready to let you go... And we still can't. I love you so much.
Words...
It's not a common thing that people think about but it's definately something that others do. When
you open your mouth to speak, notice that's there's only two things you can say, something nice, or something mean. It takes
a person literally 15 seconds to think upon a negative thing said to them no matter how small? And even still it lingers beside
them for a long time. Would it be too much trouble to make someone feel good? Or is it easier to make them sad? It's up to
you because words are probably the strongest things, so be careful about what you say. I know you probably heard this millions
of times but if you have nothing nice to say then say nothing at all.
Physical Wounds
They heal over time... Yes they hurt while its there and you get up and move on. But think of this...
Somebody who was once your friend just gets finished telling you how much they hate everything about you and they hit you.
Hmm, a bruise, It goes away and you move on... No... Words combined with actions. They make you reflect on why you were inflicted
with pain, deserved or not deserved at all. You can't help but wonder if you did something wrong because a hit can be taken
but not knowing why is another thing. I used to think that a hit could be worse than words. Then, a certain friend made me
realize the pain of words. I combined our view together and realized something that lingered inbetween... Word with Actions
could probably be the most hurtful thing, or the most greatest thing. The choice is always yours... Right??
